Dear Snooki and J-Woww,
I have been hearing from various news sources that you may be hanging out (aka being sloppy) and potentially inhabiting (that means living) in Hoboken to shoot your new spin-off show. I would just like to say as eloquently (that means fluently or in a persuasive manner; fluently means expressing oneself in an effortless manner; oh sorry, effortless means “without effort” or hard work) as possible, that there are several reasons why you should NOT come here. They are as follows:
1. You don’t own any North Face products. Kind of a requirement to live in Hoboken, or at least when you first graduate college (ah-hem) and move here. We also like a touch of leopard print, but I emphasize just a “touch.”
2. In Hoboken, we wear cute hats. Maybe some fur on them, maybe a cute knit with a scarf. Not sombreros.
3. In Hoboken, if you’re realllly lazy, you might wear Uggs to the grocery store. That’d be it. We also wear slippers indoors.
5. In Hoboken, our “mug shots” are from Starbucks, Marroon, or the Empire Coffee & Tea Co. and they look like this:
6. Not this:
8. In Hoboken, we tolerate the Cake Boss crowds down the block to CVS because Buddy grew up here and makes pretty nice cakes. What talents do you have besides eating pickles and beating up grown men?
9. We have enough trouble parking without having to worry about you ladies lying drunk in our parking spots.
10. We eat our meatballs; not call ourselves meatballs and roll around on the floor:
11. Some of us might have had “work” done, but nothing that you could pop with a push pin…
12. In Hoboken, we get tan in the summer, maybe a little pale in the winter, and perhaps do a spray tan or two, but most of the time we don’t look like over-barbecued chicken:
13. Oh, and another reason: HE might come to hang out.
Please, please reconsider. Take your “talents” to South Beach perhaps? You can tan all year long there…..
A Very Perturbed and Disconcerted Hoboken Girl
Hoboken residents, have I missed anything? Please discuss.
(all photos courtesy of Google Images).