An Open Letter to Snooki and J-Woww from a Hoboken Resident

Dear Snooki and J-Woww,

I have been hearing from various news sources that you may be hanging out (aka being sloppy) and potentially inhabiting (that means living)  in Hoboken to shoot your new spin-off show. I would just like to say as eloquently (that means fluently or in a persuasive manner; fluently means expressing oneself in an effortless manner; oh sorry, effortless means “without effort” or hard work) as possible, that there are several reasons why you should NOT come here. They are as follows:

1. You don’t own any North Face products. Kind of a requirement to live in Hoboken, or at least when you first graduate college (ah-hem) and move here. We also like a touch of leopard print, but I emphasize just a “touch.”

2. In Hoboken, we wear cute hats. Maybe some fur on them, maybe a cute knit with a scarf. Not sombreros.

3. In Hoboken, if you’re realllly lazy, you might wear Uggs to the grocery store. That’d be it. We also wear slippers indoors.

4. Most Hobokenites head to Manasquan for the summer, not the ever-classy Seaside Heights. You just…wouldn’t…fit in.

5. In Hoboken, our “mug shots” are from Starbucks, Marroon, or the Empire Coffee & Tea Co. and they  look like this:

6. Not this:

7. In Hoboken, we have a good mix of men, but for the most part, only out-of-towners look like this (and let’s keep it that way please):

8. In Hoboken, we tolerate the Cake Boss crowds down the block to CVS because Buddy grew up here and makes pretty nice cakes. What talents do you have besides eating pickles and beating up grown men?


9. We have enough trouble parking without having to worry about you ladies lying drunk in our parking spots.

10. We eat our meatballs; not call ourselves meatballs and roll around on the floor:

11. Some of us might have had “work” done, but nothing that you could pop with a push pin…

12. In Hoboken, we get tan in the summer, maybe a little pale in the winter, and perhaps do a spray tan or two, but most of the time we don’t look like over-barbecued chicken:

13. Oh, and another reason: HE might come to hang out.

Please, please reconsider. Take your “talents” to South Beach perhaps? You can tan all year long there…..

Sincerely,
A Very Perturbed and Disconcerted Hoboken Girl

PS:

Hoboken residents, have I missed anything? Please discuss.

 

 

(all photos courtesy of Google Images).

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About Hoboken Girl

Just a brunette with straight hair, leather boots, and a Louis Vuitton...and a love for the Mile Square City.
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19 Responses to An Open Letter to Snooki and J-Woww from a Hoboken Resident

  1. Rory Chadwick says:

    You left nothing out, in fact this is way better than anything I could have ever wrote, thanks for posting this. We are becoming a fun, family, quaint, happy, energetic happy-go-lucky city. Granted this town was once known for drunken stupors, parties, debauchery and out of control parades, we are now controlled by a mayor that is making great strides in making Hoboken a better place to live, eat, drink and shop. Crime is down, parking is up, partying is kept at an even level and everyone is doing good, all people seem happy. Some people still have reservations but for today, right now this is an awesome city to call home. Bringing these nitwits here only takes us back to what we as a city no longer want to be. They will script this whole thing out and make us the laughing stock of the world, something we as a city have been desperately trying to get out of the middle of due to a few dirty politicians, uncontrollable parades and weekend vomit filled sidewalks. Nothing good can come out of this and to the businesses that want to take part in this, shame on all of you, put your respect and honor first before a couple of bimbos with fake hair and fake boobs.

  2. Hoboken Diva says:

    I think this is HILARIOUS but I don’t see a problem with them coming. It’s only going to be one day out of the week that they shoot and it’s only 12 episodes. If this is going to be a on-going 5 season thing then maybe but nobody really knows how the show is going to pan out. They could be going to different NJ places each season. I don’t think it will be a real problem, esp if it’s just the 2 of them. Mike and Ronny usually cause all the issues on Jersey Shore. But I love every bullet you wrote.

  3. lindsay says:

    Not to mention the majority of the people that hang out in Hoboken are intelligent young professionals with careers and are supporting themselves. Not the trash college drop outs that still live with their parents that litter the streets of Seaside Heights. Snooki and Jwoww don’t exactly scream “yuppie” to me.

  4. ck says:

    So the lovely mayor can cancel an irish tradition but she’s OK with snooki and jwoww having their own mess of a train wreck move into our town? Riiiiiight

    • AM says:

      You’re right. But gotta tell ya that the mayor’s move to cancel St. Patrick’s was because of so many people like the author of this letter – insecurity about everything leading to basically no rational or flexible thought process. It’s scary.

  5. Kim says:

    What parking? Hoboken has parking? They might have had more if they allowed Stevens to build their proposed 1,000 car lot that would have been open to the public. I agree with the author, that these two side shows would definitely place a damper on Hoboken and its image, but lets be honest… you are making Hoboken seem almost pristine (which it is not). Hoboken has more than its fair share of uneducated and immature residents (don’t believe me, take a walk down Hudson or Wash any night of the week after 10:30). Manasquan is still Dirty Jersey, point nullified. Don’t get me wrong, Hoboken is a fun town (for a weekend or couple days), just not exactly “home” material. I lived there for 6 years and just moved to Boston’s North End…upgrade.

  6. suckhole.com says:

    Translation: Dear rest of NJ/planet Earth. Hoboken is the smuggest, yuppiest, elitest cunt town on the planet. Love, Hoboken

    I work there every day, I’m neither smug nor a yuppy nor an elitest. I’m just a regular blue collar Jersey guy who is embarrassed to be associated with this article because of the city I work in. For shame. Fun fact: Hoboken hosts the densest population of Earth of residents with sticks up their asses who think they are better than everyone else. Second in the list is L.A.

  7. AM says:

    I think the letter is scarier than the show! You’re basically implying that ‘hey you’re not our kind, so don’t even think about staying here!’. I’m not saying everyone should act like they love them. They merely seek attention and if you give them your attention, they’ll enjoy their stay. I’ll bet ya the show producers are now trying to think of a way to get the best out of your letter and create more buzz for the show. By the way, in case you didn’t know, Hoboken was very different 25 -30 years ago. So you trying to sell the current face of Hoboken as its true face, discounts your credibility and the value of your letter. It’s become the place for da special people now. St. Patrick’s is cancelled or I should say, offered to be held on a weekday, while we have no problems making room for other occasions.

  8. Ryan says:

    I moved out of Hoboken 6 years ago to Northern California. I moved because Hoboken was the exact place where the snookies and the J-wows of the world hang out/ attempt to live. If you don’t believe me, go to the Dubliner on a Saurday night. Honestly, I love NJ, but I wouldn’t shed a tear if NJ annexed Hoboken to NYC. At least the rest of the states residents wouldnt have to take the wrap for Hobokenites love of boozing and street fights.

  9. Rory Chadwick says:

    Yes parking is up. 1050 new spots opened last month. The corner rules were altered by the hpu. The mayor and police chief falco do not want snooks and jwoww here, they’ve made it very clear.

  10. Pingback: Snooki & J-Woww Discuss the Mayor’s Decision | Hoboken Girl

  11. Pingback: Hoboken To Snooki: Go Back to the Shore – v i b r a n t f i n

  12. Reader says:

    I agree with the last part most. Please keep the Situation out of town!

  13. Pingback: A Peek at Snooki and J-Woww’s Jersey City Debut…Thank God I Live in Hoboken | Hoboken Girl

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